The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
