it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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