He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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