We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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