One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
