apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
