you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
