girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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