You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize