I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
