I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize