Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm really busy with my period
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