summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
