Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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