I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How's work?
Spinning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
