Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
