he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
