seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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