I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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