shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Vodka?
Forever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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