I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
