He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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