508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
