Betty ford says i'm here all night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
