My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
