look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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