she woke up with a sticky ear
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
