she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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