Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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