So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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