my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
