do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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