The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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