Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize