"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
