Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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