I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
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I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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