I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
