im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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