We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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