I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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