sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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