he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
