i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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