I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im holly from the hills drunk
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again