What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.