Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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