We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
