woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
