sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize