How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
