I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
