dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
