did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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