There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My vagina is very pro this idea
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
