Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
