she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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