Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
