You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
