Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.

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(585): View more from New York

i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.

(517): View more from Michigan

We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by

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(239): View more from Florida

Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

(801): View more from Utah

Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club

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(802): View more from Vermont

Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.

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