My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im holly from the hills drunk
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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