Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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