2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
