and you said cock pushups were impossible
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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