It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
