He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Randomize
