did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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