hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
