apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
BRING THE BAGELS
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
