My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize