I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
