There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
