U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
