I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
