we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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