Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
