I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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