Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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