so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
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Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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