I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I still have a little drunk in my system
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
