Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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