Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
