I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
