there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
