is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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