i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
